Financial Aid

This is going to be full of negative whining, so if you're not in the mood, miss me. If on the other hand, you too struggle with financial insecurity, read on and comiserate with your girl.

I just did my 2007-2008 total budget exercises and figured out than when my financial aid arrives next week-ish, after paying all necessary fall semester expenses and my left over summer rent, I'm going to have little or no money left over. This means I am going to have to pay for books and any other supplies (all semester long) out of pocket.

Fuck.
I worked three jobs this summer.

From a different angle, because the intersection of "different" angles inhabits G*d, let me say this: stressing over finances sucks which is why I struggle with economic justice the way I do. I am a single, white, educated, female from privilege and this shit stresses me out. Often when I read the latest financial statement or status of my checking account I experience shortness of breath, and/or minor panic attacks. Can I buy groceries this month? Can I buy my best friend a birthday gift? Can I get quarters to do laundry and still pay my car insurance? These thoughts run through my head a mile a minute. I cannot even imagine what a low-income, differently abled, working womyn of color with kids goes through on a daily basis. Quite aware that the anxieties I experience are minimal compared to most, quite aware that there is NO shortage of capital in this country, quite aware that the distribution of resources is part of the problem, I wonder why people who question the economic infrastructure of this country/global system are STILL labeled communists. Are some people just destined to suffer because the upper echelon of society won't share? If so: hell no.

My mom is helping me this academic year by giving me my father's pension from the presbyterian church, which means I am going to survive. Thank God. I'm glad some institutions take seriously the welfare of their constituents. That's a step in the right direction, for sure. But what about the educational system? In order to "make something for myself," which inevitably meant getting educated, I had to go $70,000 dollars in debt. Surely going to graduate school in a less expensive region of the country would have helped, but cmon, is de facto indebtedness part of the "american dream"? What a way to trip people up before they start running.

What makes everything worse is how that future profit (interest rate revenue) for the government will probably be used. I can't even think about it; it makes me want to cry.