7 months in...my pastoral reflections

Greetings, my people.

I try hard not to make my blog about the stuff of ministry, because Lord knows I have to do enough religious/spiritual writing in my professional capacity. I've wanted to keep my blog a place for personal reflection, a place where it isn't necessary to connect all experiences "back" to the symbols and traditions and narratives and liturgical frames of Christianity. The line between personal and professional reflection isn't drawn hard and fast, but i do think the integrity of content and context is important for every writer to consider, particularly one who plays a public leadership role. I may not always appear to "honor" the line--in fact, I think it's often a prophetic act to blur that line--but you can be sure I'm always keeping an eye on it. Having said all that, I'd like to take this blogging moment as an opportunity to reflect on my 7 months in parish ministry thus far. A couple statements that feel a bit random but altogether true.

--it's all people and relationships. make and break.
--funerals manufacture a tenderness in me that I always find surprising.
--i take this work seriously, more seriously than anything else i've ever done.
--it breaks my heart way too often.
--it stuns me into reverent joy equally as often.
--the mainline church has absolutely no idea what it wants to be about these days, and quite frankly, that makes working inside of it quite frustrating.
--i've never been more convinced that the concept of "scripture" needs deconstruction. people are in psychological and spiritual prisons behind that concept and there's no one to blame more vehemently than spineless clergy who refuse to keep it real about systems of power.
--i love the sanctuary of my church. space and beauty matter, seriously.
--i love building my life around liturgy.
--i love working with Tom Ott.
--flowing from the prior affirmation: i cannot imagine being able to minister outside of a collaborative colleague relationship.
--music is more important than preaching.
--lots of people are terrified of the Holy Spirit, a fear that--in my humble opinion--has its root in body hatred, white supremacy and patriarchy.
--the edge between fakery and sincerity in worship is razor sharp, and the smell of the former makes me want to run from the room.
--my appreciation for self-reflective, flexible persons grows with each passing day, particularly when planning worship.
--gossip is ugly and those who are most corrupt in their personal lives seem to be the ones most prone to talk smack about others. there's a difference between evaluation and destruction; most folks seem to get the difference and I am most afraid of those few who do not.
--the pastor role is increasing my awareness of the value of patience.
--i wish the older generation of womyn in my congregation knew how to connect with me in ways other than commenting on my hair, shoes and outfits.
--paying attention and present moment awareness are the keys to the kingdom.
--sermon writing is like being a mad scientist and experimenting on yourself first.
--the pulpit is the most vulnerable place i've ever stood.
--sometimes i think the work of ministry is about the work of managing anxiety--my own and the anxiety belonging to those around me.
--the church'd be better off with more Jesus and less God, more incarnation, less abstraction. (that's nothing new for me, but this work has confirmed it...theologians you'll know what i mean by this)

Okay, that's enough for now. I'm sure more will come to me and i'll update. Peace!