For years, the topic of masculinity triggered my academic and cultural curiosity. I wanted to understand the power, destructiveness and fascination surrounding and constructing male identity. More than anything though, I wanted to control the violence. I figured if I understood the issues, I had a better chance of solving them. Ha!
I saw men as the "problem." Well, not "men" per se, but males (or male identified people) seemed to be the ones shooting people in mass, raping people in mass, scaring people in mass. There had to be a link between maleness and violence, right? Of course there was evidence that womyn created these atrocities too, but in the case of female violence it seemed to be a "few bad apples" scenario whereas with men the numbers spoke for themselves. (I'm talking about the enterprise of violence, not genders in and of themselves--as if those things exist objectively anyway.) This interest in masculinity, which unfortunately co-constructed my feminism (think Edward Said's theory of constructing Otherness in order to construct oneself here), drove me to study the bodies, brains, cultural tides and organizing principles of "manhood." As a result I heard more and more about womyn as victims, womyn as consequential side-kicks in male dominated circles, womyn as agents of suffering etc. It's hard not to get angry when looking at the gender divide from this angle. It's easy to become jaded and bitter towards men with this single-focused lens.
Working in my current job has given me a completely different take on "masculinity". I'm not exactly sure why and how this context has shifted my thinking, but it has in a profound way. I am seeing "masculinity's" victimization of men here like never before. I cannot count how many times I've heard these brave vets talk about the "suck it up and be a man" ethos underlying their resistance to getting mental health help. They are suffering because of stupid ideas about femininity and masculinity too in ways many feminists are too busy fuming to actually hear about. (I have certainly been guilty of this.)
It is absolutely imperative that we stop stigmatizing therapy and self-help groups in this culture. We must stop "feminizing" psychological and emotional support. Getting help, reaching out, refusing to become a victim of one's own (terrorized) mind is not weak. To characterize it as such sets people up to deal with their struggles alone for fear of being emasculated. And no one, NO ONE, heals from trauma in isolation. If we do not put a stop to this stigma, we are going to see the suicide, homicide, domestic and social violence rates continue to climb. Trust me: the kind of PTSD coming back from The War on Terror is nothing to ignore.
So, if we really want to "Support The Troops" like some bumper stickers claim, then let's stand up against the stigmatization of mental health recovery. Whenever people associate getting help with gender, break through the bullshit. The fact that body parts get associated with character traits is, in itself, a problem in this culture but that's for another blog. Today: let's just try to get a nurturing environment together before our society implodes from another generation of soldiers coming home from one kind of torture to another.
2 comments:
"I'm a writin fool these days..."
Without the writing,
We would perhaps be just fools.
Steve
yes ma'am!
so many times i wanted to cradle them, tell them that healing (softness, gentleness, tenderness) is easy if they would only let themselves feel it. but mostly i could only cradle them in prayer, look for cracks and glimmers of hope. that place, where you're at, the wounding, makes it more possible - if only....
maybe it's just who i am, but feminism was the place I learned to be strong in my vulnerability, to be free in my vulnerability. it was women, feminist women, like you, who taught me how to do that.
there will always be fundamentalists, always people who will run themselves dry on the fuel of anger. and always there will be the rest of us, who have learned that anger, joy, sadness, fear, vulnerability, relationships and connection - is the rewarding path.
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