Saturday, September 6, 2014

"1, 2, 3, JUMP!"

The force of the water
fills up my noes 
with a foreign and forceful thrill,
an awakening 
this rush of slightly cool 
receiving energy 
touching, caressing, taking in
every inch of my skin.
enveloped. entirely submerged. underneath. 

stay here: die 
cause you can't breathe. 
but just these 8 seconds, please. 
here, surrendered. i am not stronger. just, surrendered.

the sunset 
on high to the left 
hyperbole in gradations of color
magenta with flourescent pinks 
fluff on top of fluff
this grey on blue 
cracked by thin garlands of gold 
fantastical whoa. 
the other side 
on high to the right 
rests a single half moon, 
the polar opposite of the lush setting sun
because it's alone and striking
all by its' unclouded self. 

I see a sky that goes on forever
up above my head
while the dark invisible deep 
holds every limb below.
the awe i let loose from my lips--
it's worship. this. 

i climb out because it's gotten cool. 
she runs over
so excited she's practically tripping.
"1, 2, 3, JUMP" she says 
having seen me do it once before. 
"Wait" she calls "kiss me first!" 

Every time I do something 
that slightly or largely
terrifies me
i kiss my daughter's lips 
and hold her face in my hands
because i have to touch and feel and see and smooch 
the benefactors of my bravery

I want her to see me like this. 
I want her to see me do this. 
I want her to remember. 

How I adored nature. 
How I acted silly. 
How I did things that felt kinda scary.
How I used her tiny, precious body as my bravery barometer.

We do it again. We kiss. We count. I jump. She watches. 

When my head pops up,
a second time
mohawk all disheveled
cheeks dripping
expression 1/2 startled 1/2 seeking her response to my resurfacing, 
she looks simultaneously afraid, curious, 
dared to do the same, and in love
with how all of this happens. 

I let a burst of laughter 
from the bottom of my gut 
fill the air 
not because this is funny 
but because she's watching 
and i want her to know 
there's comedy in being brave
and foolishness in being free
sounds of power other than words
that can fill the evening air 
and make magic without a single cost. 
I want her to know 
skylines are sanctuaries 
and bodies in lakes are being baptized too 
and her Reverend mommy
needs to jump in, jump off, BE HIGH 
so when the day comes 
when she's trying to decide 
whether or not to dive 
or live or slowly die 

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