"1, 2, 3, JUMP!"
The force of the water
fills up my noes
with a foreign and forceful thrill,
this rush of slightly cool
touching, caressing, taking in
every inch of my skin.
enveloped. entirely submerged. underneath.
stay here: die
cause you can't breathe.
but just these 8 seconds, please.
here, surrendered. i am not stronger. just, surrendered.
on high to the left
hyperbole in gradations of color
magenta with flourescent pinks
fluff on top of fluff
this grey on blue
cracked by thin garlands of gold
the other side
on high to the right
rests a single half moon,
the polar opposite of the lush setting sun
because it's alone and striking
all by its' unclouded self.
I see a sky that goes on forever
up above my head
while the dark invisible deep
holds every limb below.
the awe i let loose from my lips--
it's worship. this.
i climb out because it's gotten cool.
she runs over
so excited she's practically tripping.
"1, 2, 3, JUMP" she says
having seen me do it once before.
"Wait" she calls "kiss me first!"
Every time I do something
that slightly or largely
i kiss my daughter's lips
and hold her face in my hands
because i have to touch and feel and see and smooch
the benefactors of my bravery
I want her to see me like this.
I want her to see me do this.
I want her to remember.
How I adored nature.
How I acted silly.
How I did things that felt kinda scary.
How I used her tiny, precious body as my bravery barometer.
We do it again. We kiss. We count. I jump. She watches.
When my head pops up,
a second time
mohawk all disheveled
expression 1/2 startled 1/2 seeking her response to my resurfacing,
she looks simultaneously afraid, curious,
dared to do the same, and in love
with how all of this happens.
I let a burst of laughter
from the bottom of my gut
fill the air
not because this is funny
but because she's watching
and i want her to know
there's comedy in being brave
and foolishness in being free
sounds of power other than words
that can fill the evening air
and make magic without a single cost.
I want her to know
skylines are sanctuaries
and bodies in lakes are being baptized too
and her Reverend mommy
needs to jump in, jump off, BE HIGH
so when the day comes
when she's trying to decide
whether or not to dive
or live or slowly die