Seeds of Liberation and Small Groups

I've begun doing quite a bit of small group facilitation as of late. It's taken a while to get to this place. One must establish relationships and build rapport in the faith community before leadership is granted. Authority doesn't accumulate over night and if it does, whatever it is that's accumulated isn't authority. In my line of work, any kind of instant access to people probably has to do with their projections about G-d or the (suspect) charisma of the leader. Neither strikes me as healthy. So here I am, (on Feb 8th, it'll officially be my 'first day in the office' anniversary) a year into this ministry gig and I'm finally getting some traction. By traction, I mean the following: access to people's true feelings (especially those they're afraid to admit, which are often the most important feelings of all), insight into the communal dynamics that so often mystified me when I first arrived, space to direct the flow of conversation, openness to my ideas/experience/opinions/etc. These forms of traction, these spacious places enable real ministry to happen, beyond the caddy bullshit of surface churchy-churchness. These forms of traction allow me to do the work I feel fashioned (by G-d Most High) to do. Naturally, I'm thrilled. Glory. Hallelujah. And, did I mention that it's been a long time coming?

So I'm doing small group facilitation, now. A lot. And as I suspected, it's the place where the most dynamism and transformation are taking place. One-on-one pastoral care is important, but there's nothing that can foster healing and massage resilience in the human soul like small groups. The spiritual "effectiveness" (blegh, capitalist language--what else could I use?) of small groups became most apparent to me during my time in recovery. Something unbelievable happens when people are free to talk about their experience surrounded by others who know their own salvation depends on 'hearing others into speech' (Nelle Morton). That unbelievability heightens when the people speaking and hearing are folks whose experience has been denied, negated or silenced by the dominant culture. Getting Vietnam veterans together taught me this. Getting women in the church together taught me this. Getting queer people together anywhere taught me this. Incredible wedges of freedom, affirmation and support get carved when persons-made-invisible have the opportunity to articulate their truth.

What's perhaps overlooked, but in this pastor's estimation the *most* valued part of small groups, is that people begin to make connections between their own oppression/suffering and the systems perpetuating that suffering. For instance, over time the courage of people's sharing--if the group has members willing to be authentic and vulnerable which is always a variable--will take on heights unthinkable in the first couple of sessions. As courage rises in the room, the bar is set high for people's sharing in general. People get real, stories begin to emerge and inevitably some of the same stories get heard again and again from different sources. Example: early on in my experience with women's meetings in Alcoholics Anonymous I realized that more than half of the women suffering from addiction had been subject to some kind of sexual assault. Women using a numbing agent in order to handle the scripted violence upon their bodies--is that addiction or coping? You tell me. Example: as I sat with the vets on the dialysis unit at the VA it began to emerge that all of them had at least one son or daughter that was estranged from them. Coincidence that all of them had a disorder of the blood? I think not. Example: almost every person who attends my grief group talks about feeling 'selfish' or 'wrong' when they grieve. These are people who have lost significantly close loved ones: spouses, mothers, sisters, daughters. Is the punishing self-consciousness about emoting grief about these individuals or is it about a society that aggressively and consistently requires people to deny their pain (in order to maintain the status quo)? Almost all of the white/middle-upper class adolescent and young adult women I do pastoral care with admit self-injurious behaviors, particularly cutting and eating disorders. Is that isolated incidents of life mismanagement or are we willing to confront the fascism/s in our society that force women to exert (the little) control (the do have) even if that control has to be exercised in ways that cause harm?

If a small group is facilitated well, these kinds of connections can be made. When these connections are made it can completely re-orient a person's world. Instead of blaming one's self or thinking there is something inherently wrong/mistaken/guilty/impure in the self and getting stuck in the stuff of numbing/avoidance, we can build relationships based on the truth and begin plotting together the destruction of all-things-oppressive. Here's the formula...

telling a truth that's often silenced (courage and freedom)
being heard (compassion and healing)
making connections between individual experience & systems (restoration and reorientation)
communing & plotting in those connections (fellowship and liberation)  

This strikes me as the *real* stuff of faith, the stuff that all faith communities should be about but often are not because they're too afraid of the implications that emerge when multiple voices are encouraged to unapologetically truth-tell. Institutions and ideologies are especially at risk when multiple voices erupt. Monolithic communities and half-assed explanations of why things are the way they are are especially at risk when multiple voices erupt. People and countries in (unbalanced positions of) power are totally at risk when multiple voices erupt. This is the promise of liberation for the oppressed/marginalized and the seed of doom for those who gain their access/privilege/power on the backs of others. Small groups are the soil for liberation movements.

As a service provider within one of the most patriarchal, simultaneously homophobic & homosocial, historically oppressive and dishonest institutions in the course of world developments, I employ small group facilitation as an act of resistance. I plant a seed of liberation from within, praying that with G-d's help and the willingness of marginalized and fiercely courageous people on the inside (there are more than you'd think!), we might confess, repent and liberate our tradition. In this lifetime? No. Enough to make all of Christianity a wholesome place for all? No. But for us and those we love and those we work with and those we encounter on the rugged road? Maybe.

 And in this employment of resistance, I am made humble. Let me be specific.

There is no denying that I am suspicious of all religion, all institutions and that the water of my devotional life is often troubled by the hypocrisy and hate espoused by people who claim Jesus' name. I wish I was one of the people who could find a modicum of peace despite knowing my religion is used for ill, but I cannot. I simply cannot. I don't say this out of pride. Trust me: it causes great great great disturbance in my life. Part of this restlessness comes from being a clergy kid. Part of it comes from being young, queer, tattooed and female in a position that's often occupied by old, straight, clean-cut dudes. Point being: I'm restless and suspicious. So...often I err on the side of being overly critical of Christianity, overly critical of other clergy, overly critical of theology that serves deathly culture/s. But in the work of small groups, I'm often challenged to move beyond this one (narrow and narrowing) way of seeing my religion. When people's experience gets shared, there is no denying that the Church has been used for both good and ill, nor do those uses somehow cancel each other out. Stories of survival often include the faith community mobilizing in the hour of need. Stories of resilience prove the pivotal role faith/spirituality have played in make-or-break moments for tons of people. Pastors and sermons have saved lives, families and communities on the brink of destruction. Privileged parishioners have challenged oppressive systems and made incredible gains for marginalized communities, often to their own detriment and exclusion. This is all true. As true as the stuff of death-dealing and corruption.

So "you shall know the truth and truth shall make you free," right? In the best of small groups, a plethora of truths erupt through courageous multiple voices willing to unflinchingly pursue the spirit of life. The facilitator, if she is wise enough to witness the truth/s emerging, will experience liberation too even if it means arriving at new conclusions that disturb and disassemble the truth of her life (thus far). There's incredible freedom in that. I am being made free in this work, in this place, in these times.

It's been a long time comin.