Loving What Is: Family

I want to write about the people I've been living with for the last month. When I worked at First Congregational Church of Riverside I got to know the Soares family because I taught Hannah's sunday school class and led the youth group Taylor participated in weekly. Sandra, their mom, often helped with youth events and so I got to know her (slightly) during my eight month interim ministry. That was in 2005, before seminary. They've gone through some monumental shifts and challenges as a family in the last five years but they've always kept in touch. During this winter, when I was going through monumental shifts and challenges of my own, Sandra offered me space in her home. So I've been living here, with them, with Hannah, Taylor and Sandra, in Riverside for the last month.

This is the first big chunk of time I've spent with teen-agers in a while. I spent much of my early 20's invovled in youth work, so when I went to Berkeley for graduate school, I intentionally put myself in adult-ministry situations in order to develop those skills. That choice has served me well. I wouldn't trade my time at SafeHouse or the Palo Alto VA for anything. But I must be real: my heart for ministry, my first love in the church were the youth and families at FCCR. And it's been a straight up, big fat blessing to reunite with them before moving to Michigan.

Living with the Soares family came about unexpectedly, graciously. I am grateful. I am also re-evaluating my thoughts/feelings on the trappings of the nuclear family. My relations with Hannah & Taylor in the last month gave a glimpse into the gifts of siblingity. We've had penetrative conversation, conversation about the meaning/s of life, the responsibilities that come with privilege, the struggles of being young in psycho-obsessed-drugged-up So Cal. But we've also just chilled out, chilled out to music, to books or net-surfing in the same room. I find myself desparately sad about leaving this accompaniment on Friday. I never had siblings growing up; it's pretty f-in rad. I'm sumthin crazy about Taylor & Hannah.

On Saturday, Sandra and I sat by the pool watching the sun go down together. I'd just seen the movie "Up in the Air." For some reason I came back home from the movie theater weepy, floundering in my skepticism about relationships and family in my future. I admitted to feeling "hard hearted" about romance and intimacy after the loss of James this year. We continued on in conversation about the risks of pain that come with loving. Sandra is an expert on the topic. I trust her. At one point she looked me dead in the eye and said: I wouldn't trade Taylor and Hannah for a hard heart.

Touche.

Missing Joy(e)x2

All those times
we walked the lake
or the marina
or the city streets at night
and laughed about stupid stuff
going on at work
or cried about painful stuff
making mess in our relationships,

all those times

we grabbed coffee

and grabbed more coffee

or ran for dessert

when we'd hit the perfect coffee quotient,
all those times
we made fun of Berkeley hippies and
made fun of those people who made ridiculous announcements in church and
made fun of people who took their facebook seasonal art projects way too seriously and
made fun of each other for various things
like intensity or clumsiness,
all those times
we exchanged music mixes
or driving responsibilities
or sent each other little pick-me-ups in the mail

we were doing the things that i never thought twice about then
but think about all the time now.

I've been traveling, gone from the places of usual,
transported central from the left.
These skies look the same, yet unleash foreign objects
that can determine the possibilities for an entire day.
This hotel room is the same as almost every hotel room
I've ever slept in, yet what I prepare for in this hotel room
might determine the possibilities for the rest of my life.

"All the art of living lies in a fine mingling of letting go and holding on." Henry Ellis